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<title>Hurts like Hell by Log_on_Logan</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378613">Hurts like Hell</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Log_on_Logan/pseuds/Log_on_Logan'>Log_on_Logan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mick is trying to get out, Multi, Please Don't Kill Me, ben is dead, mentioned alcoholism, this is super short i know, unhealthy relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:22:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Log_on_Logan/pseuds/Log_on_Logan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben died over half a year ago and since then Mick and Juno got into an unhealthy relationship as a way of coping with both of their losses. Mick wants to do better by Ben.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mick Mercury &amp; Benzaiten Steel &amp; Juno Steel &amp; Sasha Wire, Mick Mercury/Benzaiten Steel, Mick Mercury/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hurts like Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mick Mercury, hair shaved, eyes empty, lips dry and smelling like the gallons of booze he drank and had been drinking for the past how every many months it had been since everything started… maybe ended, looked at her. He always knew she was right, she alway was the smartest... he didn’t wanna admit though. “He looks at me like he loves me, and I look at him like he’s him, Sash. But we both know he’s gone... we know what we’re doing is wrong. I know I’m using him and I know he’s using me, but I haven’t cared about that. At this point I don’t know if I love him or if I hate him, because I was gifted with a man who looks exactly like the man that I loved. He has his eyes, he has his voice, but his eyes don’t smile at me like they used to. His voice doesn’t say any sweet things to me…”</p><p>    He was looking down now, he couldn’t look Sasha in the eyes anymore without tears rolling down his cheeks, “Every time I slip up and I call him “Ben” we both act like we didn’t hear me. But Fuck!I miss Ben, Sasha! I miss Ben more than I miss air. More than I miss remembering my days and my nights.”</p><p>    She put a hand on Mick Mercury’s back and rubbed in small circular motions in some feeble attempt to comfort him like he did for her when Anna died. “At this point,” Mick Croaked his voice wet and weak from crying, “I don’t know what I feel. I know that I love Juno, I know... but I don’t know if I love him in the way that I said I have for the past six months. I remember that I loved him in the way that you love somebody that you grow up with. A friend who never leaves your side even if you did leave him in a tree. A friend who broke your nose every year and you’d both laugh about having matching Scars one day. A friend who would call you an idiot, but you always knew he never meant it… and now he does you know he does. I love him Sasha, and I think I love him enough to do what’s right. But I’m so scared to lose Ben again…” he Sighed. It was Sobering for Sasha to see Mick like this, he never was like this when all four of them were growing up. “...but he’s not Ben. Fuck, what we’ve been doing has been nothing but destructive. He’d be so mad at me Sash, I know it.”</p><p>    Sasha’s voice cut through Mick’s confession like a Knife, though she was trying to stay a rock for him her voice came off soft and pitting, rather than strong and sharp, “So, What are you planning on doing now?”</p><p>    He sat up and sloppily wiped the tears off of his soaked face, took a deep breath and looked at his friend and he bear hugged her like when they were kids. </p><p>    “I think I love Ben and Juno enough to know that I have to let both of them go…”</p>
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